Monday, January 30, 2012


 Somedays after a break up you're okay.
And some days you pour yourself a Bailey's
and crawl in bed 
and watch a Mandy Moore/Nicholas Sparks movie from the late 90's
and bawl your eyes out.
And that's okay too.

p.s. A Walk to Remember.
Lizzie, I'm sure you've seen it.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Happy Friday

So far,
my Friday night has consisted of major relaxation time...
reading Eragon in bed, falling asleep, browsing the used book section at Barnes & Noble.
And now blogging on a Friday night.
Apparently it's my new thing!

Hair appointment
Tutoring high school kids in math 
30th birthday for a friend out in the country with good beer, oysters, and jambalaya.

Looking pretty good so far....
hope yours is too!

Monday, January 23, 2012

Be brave enough to break your own heart.

A musician sublet my apartment one summer in Burlington.
She said we had the same style.
I thought that was awesome, because she was touring the country singing american folk/country and wearing cowboy boots and her name was Charlie Faye and it sounded like she was basically living a dreamy life.
She stayed in 10 different towns for 1 month each
instead of bouncing around like a normal tour.  
 She wrote this song at my kitchen table:

Anyway, she posted a link to a website that had advice 
from a 40-something writer to her 20-something self.
These were my favs.
Pretty awesome.
And very appropriate right now.
(I did the bolding.)

Stop worrying about whether you’re fat. You’re not fat. Or rather, you’re sometimes a little bit fat, but who gives a shit? There is nothing more boring and fruitless than a woman lamenting the fact that her stomach is round. Feed yourself. Literally. The sort of people worthy of your love will love you more for this, sweet pea.

You are not a terrible person for wanting to break up with someone you love. You don’t need a reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough. Leaving doesn’t mean you’re incapable of real love or that you’ll never love anyone else again. It doesn’t mean you’re morally bankrupt or psychologically demented or a nymphomaniac. It means you wish to change the terms of one particular relationship. That’s all. Be brave enough to break your own heart.
Don’t lament so much about how your career is going to turn out. You don’t have a career. You have a life. Do the work. Keep the faith. Be true blue. You are a writer because you write. Keep writing and quit your bitching. Your book has a birthday. You don’t know what it is yet.

Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.

The useless days will add up to something. The shitty waitressing jobs. The hours writing in your journal. The long meandering walks. The hours reading poetry and story collections and novels and dead people’s diaries and wondering about sex and God and whether you should shave under your arms or not. 
These things are your becoming.


I like to think I'm still in my becoming.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Everything is Going to Be Alright

Taken at the Ace Hotel in NYC

 So, clearly I scheduled some posts for this week because
a) I never manage to post that regularly, especially at the same time every day, and 
b) at 8am I was not at my computer...I had already gotten up, driven an hour and a half to Plattsburgh, NY (complete with ferry ride) and was probably scrubbed into a c-section delivery. 
This one is live though,
and much more believable that I'm at my computer at 8pm on a Friday night!

But I think I might start doing that more often 
at least during these busy rotations.
It kind of feels like cheating,
but as I was going through websites I had tagged or photos I had saved last weekend,
I realized there were so many beautiful things I wanted to share!

in honor of a slightly below average week,
I will try to rummage up some highlights
or at least some observations:

1) If you still have braces, you shouldn't be having a baby.
I thought that was obvious, apparently Plattsburgh, NY did not.

2) As with the surgery rotation, I get to enjoy sunrises again.
On one morning ferry ride, 
I glanced in my rear view mirror at Lake Champlain 
that rolled out behind me with the texture of gently stuccoed wall
and an orange reflection from the sun hanging over the Green Mountains,
all as Florence + the Machine sang "It's hard to dance with the devil on your back, so shake it off".
And I had one of those zen moments,
where the previous few days vanished
and I didn't think about what I had to do the rest of the day
and my heart swelled with the perfection of the moment.
This week I learned that ancient Greece had 2 words for time:
Chronos (which is normal chronological time)
and Kairos 
"...signifies a time in between, a moment of indeterminate time in which something special happens".
It was definitely a Kairos moment.

3) I got to really appreciate being back in Vermont 
by being able to go to dinner with my friends on a Thursday night 
a place that makes savory crepes with locally sourced food.
Mine had brie, ham, and apples.
I know you're jealous.  If you come visit me, I'll take you there.
I Lovermont.

4) Funny story from one of the c-sections:
After you deliver the baby and cut the cord, you deliver the placenta,
and people often collect blood from the umbilical cord attached to the placenta to analyze it.
You do this by just sort of milking the blood down the cord,
but as the attending was doing this,
the end still attached to the placenta ripped off
and sprayed blood all across the nurse, the scrub tech, and me.
It looked like a slasher movie in there!
Luckily you're mostly covered, but I had blood on my face and neck
and you're not allowed to touch your face if you're scrubbed in!
So I just had to wait until someone who wasn't scrubbed in could wipe it off.

5) I become more and more convinced every day that I want to go into psychiatry.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Amazon Women

I feel like in fashion magazines,
women are often portrayed hunched over, or waif-like, which is its own kind of beauty.
However, I liked the direct, outdoor, stronger portrayal 
of these women.

 *And I can't remember where I got these!  I know some of them are from a great tumblr site, but I'm not sure the original sources. 

Wednesday, January 18, 2012


 Here's another small home inspiration.
 This was created by Julie Martin, who lost her home in Hurricane Katrina.
I'm so impressed by people who can pick it up after a tragedy and make something amazing happen.
She called it "Fresh Start".
It's amazingly light and airy for a small space,
and that loft looks ridiculously inviting.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

New Years in Photos

The South...Charleston...Oyster Roast...Dresses and pearls...Crazy hats...Fireworks...Sparklers...Cigars...Intercoastal Waterway...Mustaches...
Times Sq Ball drop...Dolphin at sunrise...Sunshine and 70...

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Back to Earth.

This is not VT. This is Charleston, where I went for New Years. In which case, I would spend ALL my time outside.

 I decided instead of one big resolution for the year, I would make monthly resolutions.  Much more manageable, no?

Spend more time outside.

Don't worry, I took into account the fact that it is freezing in January in Vermont.
(Did I mention I live in Vermont again? Because I DO! Praise the Jesus.)
I wanted to force myself out into some good nature time when it's so easy to hibernate.
I did not, however, factor in that I am doing an intense OB/Gyn rotation,
which necessitates me going into the hospital when it's dark
...and leaving when it's dark.

so far,
it seems my outdoor time will be walking to and fro from the hospital.
This morning,
that was not so pleasant.
It was the kind of cold that makes you cry involuntarily.
But tonight,
walking home,
I relished the cold biting the tips of my ears
and slathering a frozen layer of skin over my face,
because it was nice to feel something so intense 
after a beige day...
that seemed to last a week.
Welcome back to earth indeed.

Highlight of the day:
I worked with a nurse midwife named Krista and we treated a patient named Christa.
I kid you not.
That's more Krista's then I've meet in my whole life...
in one room...
at the same time.

"Some days are diamonds;
Some days are rocks.
Some doors are open;
Some roads are blocked."
-Tom Petty