Where I've been all week...

I've been living in a dorm.

With 15 teenage girls.
And it was awesome.
Well actually, the first couple of days were rough.
I was exhausted from the year.
I had no interest in anything medical.

I had the opportunity to join one of the girls shadowing a surgeon the first day.
I passed.
(Even though I'm a year into med school and have never seen a surgery.)

The second day we went to the pathology lab.
I tapped my foot,
and counted down the minutes.
(Even though there was the BIGGEST kidney I have ever seen in there.)

Then,
the next day we had a medical ethics discussion.
And I LOVED listening to these girls
discuss abortion
and discover a new level of sophistication in the abortion argument
and hear them ask curious questions fearlessly
and stand up for their values
(even when they weren't popular)
and saw everyone respect each other.

Today we watched a telesurgery.
Hernia repair.
I thought I had no interest in surgery.
But I.was.CAPTIVATED.
Hello, captivated, where were you all year??

I saw these girls leading discussion groups
and learn skills
and shadow doctors
with such
passion,
happiness,
excitement,
fire,

and without
bitterness,
fatigue,
flatness.
Believing in the world and themselves and JustinBieber.

And I saw age on myself for the first time.
And let me tell you,
it was a lot uglier than wrinkles.

(Well my lack of fire and the fact that NONE of the seven girls in my car one of the days knew that is was the Beatles singing "All my Loving" on the radio made me feel old. Sigh.)

I don't when I stopped believing in the world.
And that joy is worth fighting for.

Maybe I thought I didn't have enough strength to hold onto joy when I grabbed onto this year's schedule?

But these girls throughout the week
started chipping away at the steely gray encasement
this year had molded around me,
dissolving bitter,
letting go of angry,
seeing that blase is so pre-teen.

And now by the end of the week,
I'm beginning to remember
what it feels like
to believe
in a Channing Tatum movie.

And damn it feels good.

The girls wrote thank you notes every night to the people they shadowed.
So today, the other counselor and I wrote thank you notes to the girls.

But I don't think they really knew what I was thanking them for.
I didn't manage to cram that into these little notes.

But I owe them a lot.
I plan on reclaiming all the joy that was so present in their lives.
And holding onto it for dear life.
And it's going to be a good summer.
A very good summer.

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None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm.
Henry David Thoreau