The Winnebago

Freedom is my drug.

And I've sold all my security to pay for it.

"Those who surrender freedom for security will not have, nor do they deserve, either one."

-Benjamin Franklin

20/30

I am now officially out of my 20's.

I had been rounding up to 30 

for a few months before I actually turned 30,

because,

you know,

you want to try a new decade on for size 

before you purchase it.

Anyway,

I have more to share on that transition later,

mostly 

it involves sequins.

Lots of sequins and feathers and crowns.

Pretty typical.

However,

I just stumbled on this amusing article about mistakes to make in your 20's,

and liked #20.

#20. Fall in love with everyone and everything – cities, people, bodegas, McDonald’s hashbrowns, weird little lumpy rocks, men pretending to be architects, pocket squares, old television shows, countries, Bette Davis, recent parolees, an entire floor at Bergdorf Goodman, peacocks, Victorian mannequins, Beetlejuice (movie and person), one specific brick at Grand Central station, my postman (Preston), snapdragons, old women in Chanel, Playboy bunnies, the Prince of Luxembourg, all manner of nicknames – and do so every four minutes for the rest of your life. Let yourself get capsized by great tidal waves of love at completely unpredictable intervals. You will have to try to be very, very brave to do this. Be a little reckless, in spite of that fact that it is a certainty that some of these loves will wreck you. But in the end, you’ll be a magnificent piece of wreckage. You won’t make it out of this alive, but, cheer up, no one does. And I think, at the end, you will feel so much gratitude that you were here at all, in this strange, colorful, noisy, deadly world, whose very creation seems like the most endlessly inventive, amusing, wonderful sort of mistake.

Read more: http://www.thegloss.com/2013/05/10/odds-and-ends/20-mistakes-you-want-to-make-in-your-20s/#ixzz2SvKCn3HG

I'll try to remember to do so every four minutes
for my 30's.

Bookshelf Love

Did you see this post on Cup of Jo on falling for someone's bookcase?

 I knew I was in trouble when I first saw the beau's bookshelves (plural).

Mythology...Che...Wendell Berry...Fly rods...Classics...Pine cones.

Swoon.

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If we encounter a man of rare intellect, we should ask him what books he reads.

–Ralph Waldo Emerson

Truth of the Day

The earth will hold you up.

 It will bear your weight.

It can handle your dreams.

It does not fear anything inside of you.

Sometimes that's all you can count on.

Sometimes that's all you need.

Weight in Gold

There are moments every day

that flow like poetry

right in the middle 

of the mundane.

Lately,

I've been missing them.

I've been taking too many steps and getting no where fast.

And days for me turn kind of gray

unless I can live the poetry of them.

Unless I pause on my walk

up the stairs,

on my way to return emails

and pay bills,

peel back the curtain,

and rest my head against the glass

to drink in the glowing sunset

with my warm tea.

Unless I sink my body into a 

hot hot bath

and feel the burn of my frozen toes thawing.

Unless I pause during the surgery

and stop hearing my attending

physician's

physiology questions for me,

 because I am staring at a human heart

and it is beating.  

That was my day.

The other moments were just steps along the path.

Planning

 

Many of my conversations in the hospital go like this lately,

Random well-meaning person (RWMP): 

So the match [how residencies are chosen] is coming up.  Are you getting nervous?

Me:

I'm taking a year off, actually.

RWMP:

Wait, so you're not applying?

Me:

Nope.

RWMP:

So what are you going to do?

Me:

Not sure yet.  Lots of ideas, but no plans.

Part of that is intentional.  

My life has been very planned,

so I'd like to take a page from my sister's book,

who has never had a 5-year plan,

(and yet has a college degree, was a bartender in a ski town in NZ, and now lives and works in Zambia),

and 

see where the road takes me.

Once you plan it,

I feel like half the magic is spent.

That said,

I at least want to be able to see my options.

I was toying with the idea of getting a planner,

but 

the beau

had just created this great chalkboard (above) for his planning

with

space for small, medium, and large goals 

in many areas of his life.

He offered to help me make one,

but I recalled I had a roll of butcher paper which would do the trick just fine.

So now,

my desk is covered with this:

 

My lovely friend 

keeps asking if I've filled it in.

I haven't at all.

Not a lick.

But I feel better knowing I have the space to plan when I'm ready.

And I still have all the magic of the unknown

ahead of me.

P.S. Happy birthday to my big sis, Kara!!

---------------------------------

That's the thing with magic. 

You've got to know it's still here, all around us, or it just stays invisible for you.

Charles de Lint

Prayer Flags

Hi lovely people!

So, I ventured into the land of silk screening

and 

added a new section to the Etsy shop to sell said creations!

Meet, the prayer flags.

Traditional prayer flags 

  are used to promote peace, compassion, strength, and wisdom. 

It is thought

in Tibetan buddhism,

that

the flags do not carry prayers to the gods,

but rather

let the prayers and mantras

be blown on the wind

spreading

good will and compassion to all

the wind touches.

I thought we could all use

some modern day mantras.

 

I'm hoping to beef up my Etsy shop

with both creations and vintage finds over the next few months

and see if it can be a support source

for the 

adventures in this next year.

First on the adventure list...

is doing a rotation in an HIV clinic in Zambia.

All the proceeds

from the prayer flags would go toward that.

So,

if you would care to purchase anything (here),

become an official follower of the blog (on the right there),

spread the word about the Etsy shop,

or share my facebook posts,

I would be oh so

eternally grateful.

You really are great.

-----------------

May all beings have happiness and its causes, 

May all beings be freed from suffering and its causes; 

May all beings constantly dwell in joy transcending sorrow;

May all beings dwell in equal love for those both close and distant. 

-Tibetan Buddhist Prayer-

A Moment

 I started an orthopedic surgery rotation this week.

Besides the shock of being back in the hospital

with 5am wake up calls

and 13 hour days of surgery,

it's been interesting

to see 

just how those ol' hips and knees are replaced.

Also I've decided that if I become a psychiatrist,

I still need to know:

1) how to deliver a baby

2) what to do in case of a heart attack

and 

3) how to examine injuries.

Because there will inevitably

be the times when someone asks,

"Is there a doctor here?"

And I'm gonna need to 

have a little more in my toolkit

than

"How does that [baby coming out/crushing chest pain/bone sticking out of your leg] make you feel?"

That said,

yesterday I had a moment

that hit me with a lot more

than 

just the knowledge of bones and ligaments.

The attending physician

had left the resident, scrub nurse, and I

to finish up

a repair of an Achilles tendon rupture.

As the resident sewed the end of the tendon together,

I retracted,

and the scrub nurse cut the sutures,

we talked about 

how we got where we were,

our families,

and our weekend plans.

And in that moment,

I realized that we were all 20-something people,

working in unison,

with no hierarchy, 

approaching each other as fellow 20-somethings 

with lives outside of this moment,

real people,

treating each other with respect and kindness,

each with something to contribute to this moment

of helping 

another 20-something with a ruptured Achilles tendon.

And then I looked around

and saw that the 

anesthesiologist was also a resident, likely in his 20's,

as was the circulating nurse.

And for some reason,

it really hit me,

that we weren't just students/residents/assitants

doing what the attending physician told us to

under supervision,

we were

capable

professionals

in charge of helping this human being.

And in 3 months,

I will be a physician.

The face of medicine is changing.

And my little heart 

just swelled with pride

in this moment,

thinking that if the future of medicine looks like 

this little team,

full of kindness, realness, and working together, 

it looks pretty damn good.

-------------------

Medicine is not only a science; it is also an art.

It does not consist of compounding pills and plasters;

it deals with the very processes of life,

which must be understood before they may be guided.

-Paracelsus

Daydreams

 

 "Can we travel the US for a year in an Airstream trailer, 

listening to records and 

swimming in all the oceans and 

visiting the National Parks?"

A facebook acquaintance posted this 

randomly as her status,

and I thought,

"that is what I'm wanting to do for my year off!"

If you follow me on Pinterest,

I have a whole board of "Airstream Inspiration".

I have a National Parks Pass for the year

and would happily spend more days like this one.

And a collection of records with a portable record player

that can come along.

 Do you want to come swim in the oceans with me?

-----------------------------

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.

-Henry David Thoreau

            

Thank You & My Closet

Thank you all for that wonderful, lovely support

on here, on facebook, and in person!

I'm so excited about letting dreams become expansive

and seeing where they go!

(I promise that thank you and my closet will be connected by the end of this post.)

You see,

I spent the weekend purging my room,

getting rid of things

I don't need or use.

In order to prepare for these adventures.

And in doing so, reorganized my closet

and rediscovered some gems hidden in the back.

Which inspired me to actually create some outfits!

I've been rotating some pretty staid work outfits for the last year or so,

and need to spice it up.

So,

I will be doing 'Krista's Closet' posts.

(Anatomy of an Outfit is sadly already used by another wonderful blogger)

I don't do high fashion.

I don't ever look polished.

I'm not super trendy,

but I will try to keep it entertaining!

I'll also be posting some items on Etsy,

to raise funds for said adventures.

I call this: Vermont business-casual.

 Jeans: Lucky brand

Shirt: Found on the side of the road in Barre, VT

Jacket: J.Crew Outlet

Hat: Carhartt from Salvation Army

Mug: Anthropologie

 

Year off (for reals!)

 

 

Remember THIS post?

About my year off?

Well, after seeing the thinly veiled panic in my friends' and family's eyes

when I told them I was taking a year off

in medical school,

I decided to finish medical school.

And THEN take a year off!

Medical school has been hard for me.

I know, I thought medical school was supposed to be easy too!

Such a shock!

But seriously, it's been hard beyond the endless hours of studying

and the 24-hour shifts.

It's been hard to find my place

in this system.

 Which makes me question,

well,

my place in this system.

With that Saturn energy pumping,

I decided that I really needed to take a step back.

My life has been very wonderfully planned,

from high school

to college

to a stint in NYC 

to traveling before medical school,

(but really always knowing I was going to medical school)

to 4 years of torture medical school.

The next logical step is residency.

I had one foot hovering over that next step on the path,

with my letters of recommendation

and a draft of my personal statement

for residency applications,

when I decided not to apply.

I know this isn't a huge deal.

The world is wide.
And there are many lives to lead.

But sometimes your world gets so small,

you only see that next step,

and to not take it feels overwhelming.

Plus it is unimaginably awkward to tell

type A physicians who are grading you,

that you are taking a "year off"

and that 

you have no idea what you're doing with it.

Lots of blank stares with that one, man.

I've always been a big fan of the whole

"follow your heart"

ideal.

But I want to clear the air...

That is not always an easy decision!

Lovely little things like doubt/fear/guilt sneak in and whisper...

how are you going to afford that?

so many people would kill to be in your position and you're going to waste it?

why do you think you deserve this?

what are you going to do?

don't you think you're just wasting time?

don't you have soul-crushing amounts of student loans?

But I can tell you,

when you stop listening to those voices

and make the decision your heart is begging for...

all you feel is...

relief.

So, I still have no definitely answers to the questions above.

But I'm only on this earth once,

and I certainly don't intend to let it pass me by.

Right now, I'm dreaming up plans for this year off.

 And it feels magical.

There is so much beauty in this life,

and so much more to it than 9-5, grades, and hanging on.

So feel free to dream with me.

What would you do with a year off?

I'm open to suggestions!

----------------------------------------

Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

-Mary Oliver

Photos: Pinterest

So Saturn Returned...

 In Astrology, the planet Saturn returns to the same place in the sky it was when you graced this planet with your birth sometime around your 29th year.

This marks a new phase of your life, a crossing over, a threshold.  

A time when you take stock of all you have been given, learned and gathered 

through your childhood and young adult years,

decide what is truly you,

what you want to carry with you in the future,

and

discard the rest.

According to my birth chart,

Saturn returned 

in October of 2012 for me.

So, there's been some changes!

Stay tuned...